I was planning on establishing a pattern for this blog; maybe I’d blog everyday, maybe every other day, maybe once a week. I haven’t been very consistent, but I feel like there is nobody even reading this yet to notice anyway. If I have any followers who even noticed I was missing from the blogging world, I’m back! Back to reality.
I was at the beach for a few days and off of work for five whole days! It was incredible. I spent the time in a gorgeous house about ten to fifteen minutes from Bethany Beach with my boyfriend and his family. Now, I only see my boyfriend about once a week typically. We work opposite schedules. He has a normal 9:00am to 5:00pm job, and I work night shifts. It’s actually hard to see anyone, family, friends, because of my work schedule. I usually work 2:00pm to 10:00pm, and almost every weekend. When I’m off, I have to try to squeeze everything I want to do into those days.
It was incredible being away; away from my small town, away from my hectic job. I got to spend five days with my boyfriend relaxing on a beach eating seafood and drinking giant strawberry daiquiris, falling asleep laughing and waking up to drink coffee together only to plan the day’s adventure. I got to travel five hours each way. That’s five hours away from my crazy world here at home.
Coming home was hard. This was the first time in my life that I’ve ever felt the desire to move away from home. Maybe it’s the fact that his brother and sister have lived at the beach, maybe it’s the fact that I can’t find a job here at home with my writing degree. Whatever stirred these feelings up inside of me, it won’t go away.
I’ve always pictured my life so differently than it’s going now. When I was younger, I thought I’d be married and settled down in my own house at 20. HA! I’m 24, still living at home and working at a gas station to pay my student loans and not even close to being engaged, let alone married. I know I’m not alone. I know I’m not supposed to have everything figured out already. I know things take time. But I’m so damn restless.
I want my own place to fill with furniture and decorations from T.J. Maxx. I want to host movie and game nights with my best friends in my own little space. I want to wake up everyday and be excited to go to work. I want to write, and I want to get paid for it. I want to be able to see my friends and family whenever I want instead of having to plan around my two days off a week. My list of desires goes on and on, yet I have no idea how to start working towards them. I feel so stuck. I’ve never ever even thought about moving away from the town I’ve grown up in, and now it’s all I can think about.
Coming home from the beach has left me in this rut. I mean, everything is better when you’re on vacation! It’s so hard to return to the monotony of normal life. I want to travel more, go exploring, take pictures. I want to go back to that weekend beach trip and play it over and over again. I want to get the nerve to move away from my tiny hometown and try to make my own life on my own terms, but I can’t figure out how to leave everything I have here behind. I need to find balance in my life, and find the motivation to stop napping and start trying to make things actually happen in my life. Until then I’m just stuck, restless and unsure of the future. Someone send help!